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<title>Is that -- Your Soul -- Calling out to Me? by PhoenixStar73</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311696">Is that -- Your Soul -- Calling out to Me?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixStar73/pseuds/PhoenixStar73'>PhoenixStar73</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Where Do I Find You, When the Shadows Come For Me? [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood-centric, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Drama, Anxiety Attacks, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Fear, High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Or Is It Premonition, POV Alec Lightwood, Sad, Separate Lives for now, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, it's just a dream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:42:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311696</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixStar73/pseuds/PhoenixStar73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So, can hearts and souls cry out to one another --</p><p>... Even as two people remain apart by choice?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane &amp; Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Where Do I Find You, When the Shadows Come For Me? [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Is that -- Your Soul -- Calling out to Me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts">Nadja_Lee</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not sure what this was. This can be read as stand-alone.<br/>*Warnings: Implied Suicide, Nightmare</p><p>Gifted to Nadja Lee because she loved it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>In the middle of the night</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alec wakes up in a cold sweat. </p><p>He’s not sure why’s he’s having the same nightmare –</p><p>
  <em>Night after night –</em>
</p><p>But he just can’t shake the feeling</p><p>Of how real it feels.</p><p>Which leaves him to wonder</p><p>Exactly</p><p>What are the chances of this actually happening for real?</p><p>Would he even have the power</p><p>Or even be given the right to stop things from happening --</p><p>…If it were to come to that?</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>……….</em>
</p><p>The same dream occurs…again</p><p> </p><p>…He’s running.  Running. </p><p>(that bridge -- <em>coming quickly into view) </em></p><p>Running toward something he needs to<em> stop</em></p><p>
  <em>Dead stop --  in its tracks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before the end result occurs</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As it is irrevocable.  Irreversible. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>FINAL.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unable to be changed.</em>
</p><p>He’s not sure what it is exactly at the moment.</p><p>
  <em>All he knows --</em>
</p><p>If he doesn’t stop this –</p><p>Not only will there be <em>something</em> lost to him <em>forever </em>--</p><p><em>He himself</em> will be lost.</p><p>
  <em>Lost….</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lost….</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lost forever to the shadows…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>………..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shadows – they are a tricky thing…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thing is, they are potentially within us all --</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Invisible while under the glare of the sun</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But as twilight creeps in with the stealth that it does</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes even without warning, it comes upon us</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With strength and support, one can fight them off</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To the point where they almost never appear –</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But for the more affected, more vulnerable ones</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like a shroud it demands to overcome the soul</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In its unforgiving and overwhelming grip</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The grayness that they cast</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lingers, and withers like some sickly stench</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To the point where it just wraps around you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like some parasite</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it feeds, oh it loves to feed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On broken heart and only broken dreams</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Its poison darkening places that once held rainbows</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And words of light and hope</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Feeding on what was once healthy from the inside out</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Until there is nothing left…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…………..</em>
</p><p>Every time, every night, he runs after the man.</p><p>
  <em>That man, right by that bridge</em>
</p><p>And just as he reaches the figure reaches out  with his hand</p><p>To grab his shoulder</p><p>The person is literally within his reach!</p><p>But somehow it is always too late –</p><p>The figure has already jumped!</p><p>Even as Alec freezes in his tracks, he is left watching</p><p>A witness to the irrevocable result that cements his failure</p><p>At preventing this from occurring</p><p>And all he’s left with, as he stands on that bridge</p><p>Is the desperate, sickening bile rising in his throat</p><p>As he looks over the railing</p><p>Trying to will that figure back up from the depths</p><p>Hoping against hope for him to resurface, his face again full of hope</p><p>
  <em>To see that beautiful smile ---the glint in those bright golden eyes</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As gold as the rays of the sun</em>
</p><p>Full of the will to live --</p><p>But, alas the figure does not come up again  –</p><p>And Alec is left, standing alone on that bridge</p><p>Knowing all hope is gone – forever.</p><p>Regrets and tears and bitterness of bile spew from his throat,</p><p>Following in its path of broken hope and dreams</p><p>
  <em>Hurling down, down, down, down</em>
</p><p>As his stomach twists and empties in absolute pain</p><p>To join and mix with the ocean of bitterness and tears of lost dreams.</p><p>He tried, he really did  – but it was much too little too late.</p><p>A wordless scream rips from his throat</p><p>Of agony. Of loss.</p><p>For something he could never have…</p><p>
  <em>Again.</em>
</p><p>He falls upon his knees, his will completely broken, his voice cracking</p><p>As the last of his screams are pulled out from him</p><p>And he can scream no longer --</p><p>Exhausted. </p><p>Blackness hit him as he falls to the ground</p><p>Not even feeling the impact when he hits  the floor</p><p>Truth is, he’s not even sure he would want to live</p><p>In a world without <em>him</em> in it.</p><p>……….</p><p>The tears are salty on Alec’s lips and his tongue, coming too hard too fast --</p><p>As he’s roused awake, realizing he was only dreaming.</p><p>
  <em>…Or was he?</em>
</p><p>He can’t get to the phone fast enough.</p><p>Ringing….<em>Once.  Twice.  Three times…</em></p><p>The voicemail clicks on. </p><p>He just stares at the phone…</p><p>An overcoming sense of dread washing over him.</p><p>He’s had this dream, for the last few nights now…</p><p>But this time – <em> this time </em>-- the dream played itself out to its horrible conclusion.</p><p>It never truly had, before…</p><p>So…how much does he devote to this, if at all –</p><p>They had a fight, and he walked out weeks ago</p><p>
  <em>Does he take this seriously?  </em>
</p><p>Is this only a dream…o<em>r premonition</em> of things to come –</p><p>He knows <em>he’s</em> done this before, gone to that<em> one</em> place</p><p>During <em>his</em> lowest lows of bleak darkness and despair,</p><p>
  <em>And he…nearly did it that time.</em>
</p><p>But…how about now?  <em>Would he even think to do it again?</em></p><p>…this Alec doesn’t know.</p><p>But…</p><p>
  <em>He’s decided he’s not willing to leave it up to chance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…..</em>
</p><p>…Minutes later, he’s tossed on his leather jacket, stele in hand – out the door.</p><p> </p><p><em>HIs heart beating rapidly in his chest... </em> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry?</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p>Comments always appreciated, as are kudos...:) Thx for reading</p></blockquote></div></div>
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